I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Randomize
