he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize