he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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