Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
