i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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