Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
