god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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