How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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