i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
ok first of all what the fuck
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