I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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