yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
