the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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