did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
