Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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