I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
