i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
