Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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