The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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