i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
