I think I won the penis lottery.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
