We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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