I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
