yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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