do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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