went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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