We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
