Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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