I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
