I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
