I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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