Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
