and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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