I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
