So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
