She announced her abortion via fbk
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
