Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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