So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
