I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
