dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
