i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He uses pillows to masturbate.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
