do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize