I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
