both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
