some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
