I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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