We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
