Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
