a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize