3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
