the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Randomize
