Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
