I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
