I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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