I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize