Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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