I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize