He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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