if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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