worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
