home. puking in laundry basket.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
