someone get that fucking seahorse.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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