he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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