god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
