I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize