I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
