Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
