the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
