Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
