Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
