Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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