I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
