Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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