i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
