omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize