Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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