I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
