my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
