checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
