I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
