Don't you send me to vm
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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