Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
