i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
