If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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