It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
