it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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