tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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