so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize