I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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