its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize