bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
