You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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