if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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