So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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