the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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