We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize