Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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