god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When are your genitals available?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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