Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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