Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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