What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
