I puked a lego.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
