I wannas sexs uuuuu
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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