Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize