I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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