Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
