the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
