Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
