just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize