Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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