oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
