I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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