you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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